autumn-again:

I hate how true this is. I hate it.

From the ages of 14-18, I escaped reality by delving into fiction, fandoms, writing and sketches. My social life was limited and home life drowning. Having only one desktop at home also meant a lack of convenience accessing the internet. The number of hours sat in front of the TV drawing, writing, dreaming, making… Even though it can be lonely at times, the 18 year-old me reached peaks of artistic joy that hasn’t even been attempted since.

Now… I don’t do anything. I barely even write in my diary anymore thanks to this blog. Friends, social life, university and now work has stripped all imagination and the desire to create from my life. It’s my fault. And I am so frustrated and envious when I see friends who can/are juggling both and still living life to the full. It’s not a either/or situation, but I’ve made it one - because of laziness.

I would love to make a bold declaration about how I’m going to change, how I will turn this habit around this time… but I’ve made so many of them in the past 4 years, it will sound like another empty bravado. Actions speak louder than words, and my lips need to let my hands do all the action for once.

I will say this though: I refuse to let the 18 year-old me sit on that throne forever.